Oh No

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See, that’s what the app is perfect for.

Sounds perfect Wahhhh, I don’t wanna

Things will get better someday.

They have to.


Today I forced myself to get out of bed early to go to life drawing. There was a girl I was supposed to meet. She’s hot and cold. Apparently today she was cold. But I was already there and already paid for the session. So I went and drew. Now and Then came out the other day so I wanted to listen to it. While, searching through my walkman to get the music I wanted I had two of the old men who are always there come up to me, assuming I had my phone out and accuse me nonverbally (you could tell from their faces) of having my phone out trying to sneak pictures of the model or something. Utterly disgusting. They had to save face by telling me not to do that as if there’s something wrong with doing that. Granted, my reaction out of frustration and anger because as the only mixed person there they apparently were watching me like a hawk instead of, you know, drawing.


Whatever. It was a single pose and I drew several drawings. I do actually like how they turned out but now I wonder if I’ll be welcome back next time. It almost feels like I wouldn’t have had that experience had I not gone and been stood up by this girl who apparently is mad I didn’t want to sleep with her when she was so drunk she was slurring her words. Even though I invited her to go drawing and hang out after to get to know each other. I got out of the drawing session and found she had soft blocked me from her private account. My only guess was that I didn’t confirm again last night that she was still coming. But, if she was worried about that why not just message like a normal person? I’m so sick of insecure people.

It’s for the best I suppose. Why would I want to be with someone that impulsive, who apparently is willing to assume the worst .

So I rode my bike back. I took a nap and woke up with just enough time to go to my boss’s gallery show and help clean up. I think she appreciated me coming. But something else weird happened. In addition to me being dead tired, a girl I matched with on bumble who essentially sent me a no effort gif and then didn’t respond when I sent her a gif back saying hello appeared out of the blue. I told my boss that the girl(let’s call her K) looked familiar for some reason. Unfortunately by the time I figured it out that I knew her from Bumble my boss had gotten us wrapped up in a conversation with K and her boyfriend, who is a permanent resident, who has a company, and apparently is a successful board game maker. They also apparently are in a band as well. She added me on Instagram and I hope either she figured it out as well and we can just avoid each other or she never figures it out. I think my boss figured out something was wrong and suggested I head to practice… Speaking of which, today I had practice. I also came an hour early to start to teach myself how to play drums. Idk why. It was actually a bit calming to only be able to focus on counting the beats. Playing with the Beatles… And then we had the best practice possibly ever

When people say The Beatles were just a pop band and therefore are the same as whatever the boy band of the moment is, they “conveniently” overlook the fact that most boy bands music is written by other people and nowadays almost algorithmically constructed to be catchy. Lennon and McCartney on the other hand were writing so much music they couldn’t actually release it all so they were selling their songs to other pop groups at the time. They are not the same.

softsoundingsea asked:

What took you to Gifu prefecture and do you enjoy it there?

Work. Gifu has beautiful nature and is nice but I recently moved to Nagoya which is where I actually have wanted to live. Why? The music. I love rock music and Nagoya is famous for starting several unique Japanese genres. (Of course now after finally getting to live here COVID-19 has placed all of Aichi under a state of emergency and I don’t foresee going to any shows anytime soon 😞)


A letter to nobody

The hardest part of this for me is, you had become the person I would turn to before anyone else to talk about my problems, fears, and worries. I really valued that. But I didn’t show it. I felt embarrassed to show you how much I cared and was scared. Now, suddenly, you’re gone… Just when my heart had finally healed from my old wounds you’re gone. Probably forever. And now in retrospect I realize it’s because I didn’t value myself… or you. I spent all this time trying to convince you I wasn’t worth your time because I didn’t feel like I had any worth of my own. My last relationship was awful and basically made me feel worthless. And as I told you around that same time is when I had a falling out with my father where he also basically told me to my face I’m worthless and have no value. And when I met you I was leaving for Japan partially to escape that. Sure it was my dream to come here, but I don’t know if my initial reasons for going were completely right. I’m realizing now I had only just started to deal with those feelings about myself. I acted weird, distant, and like I didn’t care because I thought you deserved better than me on some level. Because a part of me thinks that. I don’t think I deserve happiness. But you do. I really am sorry for all the grief I put you through chasing after me and I’m sorry I wasn’t honest with you or myself about how I really felt until it was too late. The heartache has been unbearable It’s all my fault. I doubt I’ll ever forget this. I want to remember how I failed you…  and I’d do anything to have a chance to start over

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